Almost Famous

While I think I'd be satisfied with world wide adoration and acclaim, my self proclamation to rule the world is still a work in progress. Have you ever done a google search on yourself? Out of interest/boredom/curiosity I tried it out and goddammit I'm not on the first page. I didn't even make the top 4 pages. What the hell? I quickly lost interest.

But really piqued my interest and increased my anger level is the number of other Michael Quan's out there. This doesn't make sense. Growing up I was the only Quan. Hell, up until senior year of high-school I was the only person that had a last name that even began with Q. That really paid off though, as I was the benefactor of the most asinine scholarship ever: $200 for having a last name that begins with Q. $200 worth of Thanksgiving sandwiches and fro-yo well spent during my first semester. Well at least someone as deserving as myself got it. No way that dumb-as-a-brick Quinn girl was going to even step foot in an institution of higher learning.

So my first gripe is with a Mr. Michael Quan that resides in Boston, Massachusetts. Yeah I know you are sitting there, scratching your head thinking, "wait isn't that you?" Yes, yes it is. But it also seems to be the name of a lesser M. Quan. One that fancies himself a photographer. His collection includes photos of Sen. John Kerry's house, a bunch of dirty hippies and monkeys at the zoo. That joke is just too easy, my Red-stated friends.

Another pseudo MQ is one that attended the University of California at Berkeley, commonly known as Berkeley. Personally, I like to refer to this school as Cal, so as not to confuse the blundering local "street performers". Around these parts when you say, "I graduated from Berkeley," people instinctively think you went to Berklee. Then they either ask you if they can score some pot or how you make the smoothies taste so good. A similar problem exists for my best friend Frank, who went to Dartmouth College. Again, growing up where we did when you say Dartmouth people think of (the University of Massachusetts at) Dartmouth: a mistake that fills him with rage and rightfully so.

But college misnomer aside, I think I could take a liking to this Left Coast MQ. In fact I think I could have been him if the cards played out a bit differently. Originally born in sunny California, traveled 3,000 miles east at the age of 6 where I proceeded to grow up in and be put through the rigors of Whitebread Surburban Anytown, Massachusetts and proceeded to attend urban Boston university. Dreams of the West Coast decadence put on hold for now.

So what does this all boil down to. Frankly, google needs to get their act together and hop on the Q-Train before things get outt of control. How can this be remedied? I'm not going to be coming up with the cure for cancer or deciphering cold-fusion anytime soon. So it's up to you, my readership, to you to spread the gospel of Quan'sWorld. Start small (like when a room full of people can create the sound of a thunderstorm just by rubbing/clapping their hands and stamping their feet). When you come across something that intrigues or infuriates you, leave a comment, tell a friend, call me an ass, question my sexual preference, buy me a steak.

Remember it's not about me, it's about you. One day, when elementary schools across the nation bear my name, your son or daughter will come up to you and asks if it's true that you once knew me. You'll look down at them, brush their hair aside and honestly say yes, you were there from the begining.

Think about it, that's all I ask.