What's in a name?

People are a crazy bunch; sports fans in particular. So it didn't completely shock me when I heard that a couple in San Antonio, TX are now the proud parents of the recently born Ginobili Jose Ray San Miguel Ramirez. Kind of just rolls off the tongue, no? Parents Renee and Jorge are tremendous fans of the San Antonio Spurs in general and Argentinean two-guard Manu Ginobili in particular.

So it got me thinking, what if my parents decided to name me after the hottest things in the year I was born: 1980.

Eruzione Quan:





Keeping with the sports theme, and perhaps one of the most famous moments of the Cold War era, "The Miracle on Ice" parleys quite well with the "Miracle of my Birth". Remember that without Eruzione, there would be no Allen Robert Michaels and thus Monday nights would be much less entertaining. Or perhaps my parents foreshadowed my prolific career at Boston University, where Captain Eruzione played his collegiate hockey and now resides as a thousands of dollar per hour corporate huckster.


The Gipper Quan:





Actor-turned-Republican stalwart-turned President. That's me in a nutshell. Although I do love jelly beans.

J.R. Quan:





Larry Hagman may have come and gone, but his fictitious namesake lives on in the age-old question: Who shot J.R.? Not only did Dallas lay the foundation for the oldest trick in the book: the season finale cliffhanger - but also made being a ten-gallon hat wearing, S.O.B. oil tycoon acceptable to mainstream America.

Editor's note: All events considered occurred in 1980, not prior to my actual birth date. Give me a break; this is supposed to be funny.